The four attributes of empathy (video)

This is a short video of illustrating Brene Brown's view on Empathy vs Sympathy. Great to learn how to empathises with our children.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-AfeaRD_IA&index=1&list=FL3w5oBTvi_9BLdi9_ZuDUIQ
(中文版)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
In I Thought it Was Just Me (But It Isn't) (2008), Brown references nursing scholar Theresa Wiseman's four attributes of empathy:

• To be able to see the world as others see it—This requires putting your own "stuff" aside to see the situation through your loved one's eyes.

• To be nonjudgmental—Judgement of another person's situation discounts the experience and is an attempt to protect ourselves from the pain of the situation.

• To understand another person’s feelings—We have to be in touch with our own feelings in order to understand someone else's. Again, this requires putting your own "stuff" aside to focus on your loved one.

• To communicate your understanding of that person’s feelings—Rather than saying, "At least you..." or "It could be worse..." try, "I've been there, and that really hurts," or (to quote an example from Brown) "It sounds like you are in a hard place now. Tell me more about it.”

Be mindful -- “Ten Mindful Minutes”

Only by spotting “Ten Mindful Minutes” at library did I realize Goldie Hawn, the American actress, is actually the author and founder of the MindUP program to foster mindfulness training for both kids and parents and supporting various researches on the benefits of mindfulness.
Its Chinese version is translated as 陪孩子靜心十分鐘。

Based in neuroscience, mindfulness and positive psychology, MindUP™ teaches children greater emotional self-control, resiliency and helps develop better decision-making skills.

 Even for us parents, we can practice mindfulness in controlling our emotion. I love the quotes  below:

“I can’t think of a better way to become better parents than to nurture ourselves and our ability to be mindful to gain greater insight and understanding as to who we are as people."

“If a peaceful child can create a peaceful world, then a peaceful parent can create a peaceful child”

“Parenting is like a relay race in which you run alongside your child for the first eighteen years”

 “all we can hope is that our children experience more positive than negative effects from our parenting and become the healthy pilots of their own lives.”

The book offers simple and handy tips on how we could teach our kids how the brain works and some practices we can do at home with our kids to be more mindful, optimistic, be grateful and controlling our anger.

Here are some easy to follow tips:

Kindness

l   A kind act a day – making a kind act chain

Empathy

l   Seeing from different angle or height

l   Drawing pictures from different side

Sadness/Anger

l   Use Traffic light analogy

l   Ask them to draw or write about their feelings

Fear

l   Put fear in a box

l   Acknowledge your fears to them  and rate a scale of 10

Gratitude

l   Gratitude jar/box

Optimism

l   Half full water story

Mindful sensing

l   Play I spy

l   Mindful eating

l   Mindful awareness  -- (eg)　cleaning tooth

好書推薦：breadwinner

當香港十一歲的小朋友還過著無憂無慮的生活時，居住在阿富汗的十一歲女孩Pervana卻已是家裡的生活支柱－－Breadwinner－－也是女兒最近在讀Deborah Ellis 所著之兒童小說的書名。

該書描寫在塔利班統治下，十一歲的女主角Pervana由於爸爸無緣無故被抓去坐牢，哥哥誤踏地雷身亡，但礙於所有女子嚴禁外出，以致媽媽和姐姐都不能踏出家門工作，她唯有矯裝成男孩子，挑起爸爸原本在市場給人讀信寫信的工作，扛起一家幾口的生活重擔。　

見女兒看得津津有味，便翻來一讀，怎知一讀則不能釋卷，，一頭栽進Pervana的世界，與她經歷那每分每秒都處於恐懼和未知的生活，暗暗為她的勇敢歡呼，為她的不幸遭遇慨嘆。

書本用字顯淺，情節緊湊，難怪自二零零年出版後至今已再版了三十九回，還屢獲文學殊榮。通過主人翁一家人的經歷，將活在塔利班極權統治下一般人民的生活面貌呈現在讀者面前，女孩子必須要有男性帶領才可出門,不可外出工作上學,由於Pervana的爸爸不良於行，最小的弟弟在出生後也鮮有踏出家門。原本的大好家園也因遭受轟炸而盡毀,一家人只能窩居於狹小危樓內。像Pervana還未有顯出女性身體特徵的小女孩，都不得已矯裝成男孩出外謀生，為了賺取更多金錢，更不惜大著膽子去墓園挖掘死人骸骨變賣。

此書不單令生活在富裕社會的小讀者認識戰火中其他同齡孩子的生活，也會讓他們進行不同反思。相對Pervana的辛酸生活，相信女兒知道她的煩惱只是微不足道，更加感恩自己當下已擁有的生活，更引導她去深思更廣泛的社會議題如極權統治、人權、婦女權益等，因為Pervana心底最卑微的願望只是可過著平淡的上下日子，但是甚麼令她這個願望如此遙不可及呢？

Breadwinner是作者三部曲的第一本，還有兩本，一定要再買來讀